Asking for a help

What a week. Even a small progress can make one happy.

A thing that bothers me is asking for help. That’s because I like to do as much as I can by myself. And that comes mostly from my childhood. Also my own curiosity play a role in it. Therefore if I can find something I need, understand it and learn it, I will not ask for help. This mindset seeps in psychological problems too. It’s a reason why I haven’t visited specialists. When I think about it, this mindset is an obstacle why I have such a hard time to give value. Or I think that I have a hard time to give a value, because in my silly brain there are only few ways how to give a value. Teach something, learn a valuable skill, focus on it and use it to provide value, find a problem market needs and solve it. You can see that I have read too many marketing “gurus”. I like to focus on many things at once. It’s probably why I’m walking a path of worldbuilding and entertainment.

It’s mind boggling that I can’t wrap my head around the fact that people might not know what I know. On the other hand it’s easy for me to accept the fact that there are people much, much smarter then me. Asking for help is a skill. To be honest it’s hard. That’s why if I need to solve something I search for a solution. Learn it. Use that knowledge to solve my problem. Move on.

Ha, sudden revelation.

This mindset I have is flawed. When I don’t know something I search for it and learn it (I know I’m repeating myself). Isn’t that asking for help? Of course I’m not asking directly to someone. I read an article. Watch an instructional video. That also is asking/searching for a help. Flaw is in searching this help indirectly. That’s how useful internet is. You can be dumb by not showing it directly to others. You look stuff up. Learn it. You are not dumb anymore. Magic of the internet. And I’ve been using indirect help from the moment I had access to the world wide web. For an introvert who was physically afraid of people that’s a very sturdy crutch. I suppose that my issue is with asking for help directly to people. Yes, that’s what it is.

Why was I writing this post again? Right. To tell you that I swallowed my stubbornness and asked to a smarter person then me for help. I’m bad at math. Never liked it. Not my cup of tea. That’s why I had problems with my world. This was supposed to be a post about worldbuilding (just saying).

Let’s back up a little.

I began to build my world from the inside out. Which is, starting from people who live on it, and adding environment around them. Then I discovered space and all things that live in it. Obsession with details kicked in. I had to create the surrounding Universe first. That’s when I began to work from outside in (or is it from top to bottom?). We barely understand our Universe and I’m trying to create a completely new one. Good thinking. Not to mention that outer space includes physics and math. Lots of formulas and big numbers. I can do speculations not math. I barely passed school exams by gathering the bare minimum of points. After meddling with it for quite a while I concur that math is a fascinating subject. It just doesn’t stick in my mind. I even understand why. Math requires a rigid, systematic/formulaic type of thinking. Actually if you can get past numbers math is fluid as fuck. And fun. I can scratch only the surface. My mind is more airy (?), speculative (?). It’s really hard to find the right words. I feel the distinction but the right words doesn’t come out. Artistic and philosophical can be directed to systematic type of thinking too, so using it only for one specific type of mind doesn’t cut it. I don’t know.

Anyway.

I decided to have a unique world. Too unique for my own good. To have an earth or even earth-like world felt too boring. Also a thought about building a world from scratch made me excited. After many iterations and many influences I ended up with a current world. A world that is a moon of a gas giant. Plus to insult my math knowledge even more it’s in a binary star system. For one there are no habitable worlds like that found yet. Second it’s such a tricky balance with so little knowledge. But it felt right and awesome to me. Of course I wanted to make it plausible. It doesn’t matter that I’m writing a fantasy with a slice of SciFi. I want my world to feel real. Starting with plausible galaxy and star system. And I don’t want to wing it. Star system is where I got stuck. Ok, it’s fairly easy to make a star with a planet and a moon. When other calculations come in, oh boy. Orbit calculations stopped me dead. Then I learned even more stuff. It’s fascinating. I also developed a system (if I can call it like that) where I concentrate on the main world (dragon world) while at the same time I zoom out to see a bigger picture. That’s how I zoomed out to see a multiverse.

Back to the orbit calculations.

I had to know year length and day length. I had to. My mind couldn’t get these things right for a very long time. Then I discovered reddit section about worldbuilding. Searching for other stuff I stumbled upon posts about worlds similar to mine. One person blew my mind with his/her knowledge. BrinAnel is his/her username. I don’t think he/she gets enough credit for his/her knowledge. From his/her answers I could get out some useful stuff. It wasn’t enough, though. I downloaded Brin’s spreadsheets. Awesome but confusing. I sat on this knowledge for weeks and surprisingly hit my threshold. Not knowing what to do I Dm’ed him/her (not sure which, and no I’m not asking specifically about it) asking for help. After a week Brin actually answered.

So this week I got answers and more. Just by asking for a help. It’s such a relief to know that I’m not stuck on one thing I couldn’t figure out. Plus with numbers and new knowledge my dragon world looks even more awesome. This week has also boosted my spiritual growth. It is ok to ask for a help. It is impossible to know everything. I treat our conversations as a little collaboration. And that reminds me that I can work with other people. For me it is very important because I’ve been walking alone for a very long time. It was necessary to flip myself upside down. At this point in my life I have reached a path where I must learn about myself in a relationship with other people. Too bad I’m procrastinating with it.

To flow with a theme of this post.

You know what else I’m procrastinating with? With sending my CV to Innsbruck in Austria. It seems like a nice place to live for a short while. And work would be useful. Why that place? Because it’s close to where I currently live and there are mountains. I need mountains in my life. To be honest, any place in Europe with mountains (or without) will work. Why I’m not sending my CV? It sucks bad (long story), bad CV sending experience (long story), I think it’s easier to get a job if you have connections (I lack them). If you ask me what kind of job I want to do? Probably anything except waiter, cashier, cook (unless it’s vegan), office worker, factory worker and anything similar. I know I’m weird and picky as hell but I want to learn something new. And I prefer jobs that are not monotonous.

Am I in a sneaky way asking for a job? Yes, Yes I am.

A penny for your thoughts