Our lives are not smooth. It is a roller coaster. With twists and turns. We rush through light. Through darkness. Up and down. It is fun.
Reading bits and pieces of the lives of different people I see some similarities. As they live through their lives their background is changing. Like on a theater stage.
What’s in my mind is not a path from childhood through adulthood to oldhood (?). I’m talking about the inner world. Your mental state. Your happy and unhappy parts of your life.
For example, until now my life has six parts. Maybe seven. Let me explain.
First part. The happy part. Happy kid with happy family. That lasted for 6 years.
Second part. Descend into darkness. It was a slow burn. 5 years.
Third part. Pure darkness. This one lasted until I was 22. Which is 11 years.
Fourth part. Coming out of darkness. This one is a little bit tricky. Let’s say 3 years.
Fifth part. Deep self-searching and self-discovery. Up to now. That is 7 years. This one overlaps the fourth and third part too, but not so strongly. So it’s kind of 10 years and will never end going forward.
Sixth part. Is currently emerging. It is something new and exciting. Completely under my control.
The secret part. This one comes before the first part. Alright. I haven’t told this to anyone yet. I “figured” this out few weeks ago. There is no way to confirm this currently. Though I have an idea how to confirm it. Alright.
I have a chest deformation on my left side. It is ridiculous that I was aware of it, but I never questioned it. Which should tell you I’ve had it since I was born. I asked my mom if there has been some event where it would’ve happened. She said, “no”. You see, it is not a random deformation. My front ribs under the pectoral muscles, and left side of the sternum has been pressed in. Which indicates they were broken with force. That depression is completely flat. Right where my heart is. Can you guess how that happened?
It didn’t happened when I was growing up. And I was born through cesarean with umbilical cord twice around my neck. Plus waters were bluish. If you have vivid imagination. Sorry not sorry.
I was born dead or died shortly after. Thus deformation came from reanimation. I somewhere read that if after reanimation there are no broken ribs you are doing it wrong. They did alright with me.
I call this a secret part, because I can’t confirm it yet. It is a speculation from my side. No idea why they decided not to tell this to my mom. It is such an important part of my life and I can’t remember it.
If this will end up to be true. Oh boy. So exciting.
Yes. I know what you are thinking. This post is a lame excuse to tell you that I have a speculation that I have already died. Which might be a reason why I am so comfortable with death.
To be fair I admit that I wanted to write about it. It’s just so damn exciting.
The question still stands though. Can you split your life in parts? Take your time to think about it. Think of it like an exercise. It is meant to remind you how far you’ve come. What you have already done.
As a bonus visualize what parts could happen in your future. And remember that future is under your control. More or less, because it is an unpredictable space.