Delusions of life

Huh? Just go with a flow. Glide smoothly (stole this one from a character in my novel).

It was a great choice to focus in one direction for a time being. Look where it took me. Which is, being a little bit more stable with my life. Obviously I’m not completely done and safe yet, but the speed is on.

Took a liberty today to zoom out a little bit to look at a bigger picture. To see what I put on a shelf some time ago. That would be art. Drawing, sketching, stuff like that. Didn’t do it physically. Watched couple videos from my favourite artists. You could say I was testing if the feeling wave is still there.

You know what? It is. Zooming out made that feeling wave stronger. This time, though, it felt more reachable. It is most likely a mindset thing.

Also it feels more like a bundle now. A tight bundle of artistic shenanigans. Previously it was an uncertain feeling. Like scattered ‘Wants’. Now it feels tighter.

When you are uncertain about your life, you are busy searching it. This search pulls you in different directions. It really feels as a delusional quest for something out of the reach. Your uncertain ‘Wants’ make the life quite delusional. Muddy and fuzzy. It can make your life messy.

What makes it worse is the frame of mind of ‘I need it here and now’. There is no chill in this framing. You are pretty much always on the edge. There is no space to enjoy what you are doing.

‘Here and now’ doesn’t happen with a wave of a magic wand. Unless you are a magician. It happens when the right pieces of a puzzle are in their right places. When the right action steps are done and behind you. This thing ‘here and now’ is the end of a long process. Of course it is not the end of the ends. Process is ongoing. Thus ‘here and now’ leads to other ‘here and nows’.

Life is the ultimate choose-your-own-adventure game.

Choose your direction and be patient. Doing makes stuff happen. It can’t get simpler than that.

Being delusional will make you eat your own toes. To be honest, it could make you sick. Pressure is not fun. Also it doesn’t help much.

If you want to go in different directions, first choose the one which is more beneficial to you. With that I mean to choose a direction that can lead you to your desired outcome faster. Even if you need to start from scratch. Yeah, I know. It sounds crazy.

That is what I did. For a long time I tried to make Art work. Learned to draw, paint, stuff like that. it did not help me stabilize my life. That’s what I wanted to do, but it didn’t make me money (you know to feed my self and such). Way too many obstacles in front of me. I put in on a shelf. Changed direction to worldbuilding. Didn’t work. Put it on a shelf. Changed direction to writing. It was closer. Had to pinpoint what kind of writing. Lots of stumbling. It worked. Kind of. Then I added business stuff. That gave me more clarity. You need some clarity in your life. Otherwise it is a delusional life.

Currently the whole picture is coming back together piece by piece.

Now I’m in a situation where I can look at my shelf. Dust it off. I can take what I put there and try to fit in the current flow of my life. If it fits then it’s great. If not I can put it back. Different frame of mind plus clarity.

To many directions work when you have stabilized yourself on one. I’m most definitely not telling you to be a Specialist. It’s like a tunnel.

Generalists is more fun. Be like a tree. Create a strong foundation/core then branch out as much as you can handle.

Be a tree dude.