Four days of doing nothing

Is not really a thing.

Even if you stand still. You are actively doing something. Breathing for example. Processes within you, they happen. They are doing something. Since the body is you and me, we are are always doing something.

In a way I treated these four days as a little test. I did ask myself what kind of test this was. You don’t normally just decide to do nothing for four days. And yet this feeling was within me for quite some time.

The answer in easy words is, a test to let go.

To let go trying to do stuff. To let go trying to force my mind to think about specific things. Which is funny, because I imagined this would be the time where I would think about stuff.

I did think. However I tried no to force my mind to think about specific things. I allowed my thoughts to wander around. To see where it would take me. Not to worry when it doesn’t think about stuff I would like to think.

This kind of ended up as a practice of chill mode.

And thinking is exhausting. Have you noticed how exhausting it is? Just by itself. Nothing added. It takes energy. Like a lot. Right, I did water fast these four days. But it allowed me to see where the energy is going. Thinking does take energy, even if it roams around your mind by itself.

Mind began to chatter as soon as I woke up. After a while, somewhere around three or four hours, it began to lag behind. No more thinking power. In a sense you would think that ‘no thinking power’ equals ‘silent mind’. No it is not.

At least in this experience it simply sought other ways to occupy itself/myself. I didn’t do meditation. Doing it would be forcing it to be silent.

Thus it found the next big thing I was craving to do. Games.

In the midst of thinking I played games. Well, one game mostly. Guild wars 2. That game is gorgeous and fun. I wanted to see if my laptop and internet can handle it. And I’ll be damn, it can. I’m kind of using games as a benchmark of what it can do.

Yes, that game is mmorpg and it is using internet. And there are other people. In my defence I didn’t use internet anywhere else and said maybe five words. ‘Thank you’ to people who resurrected me when I died. It is nice to be polite.

If we reframe this experience as a practice of chill mode, it doesn’t matter what you do. The important thing is to let go of everything and see where the mind wants to go. For me it was thinking time mixed with game playing. Combinations are endless.

What you do is not so important. What I found important was what was brewing behind the scenes.

A cultivation of peace. The feeling that there is no need to rush. That is a nice place to be. It is also about letting go of control. Not over others, but over yourself.

We have habits we are cultivating. Routines we are doing. Strict diets and bunch of others things we are juggling with. What would happen if you would let it all go?

If I am examining myself, in essence I returned where I was twelve years ago. Young adult with no responsibilities. No job. Sits in his room and plays games.

That’s from the outside.

I sought refuge within games. It is a place where I can relax. Guild Wars 2 was excellent for this. Just run around, do quests, find new places to visit. It’s great. Do it all at your own pace.

The same with thinking time. I allowed my thoughts to roam around until they got tired. It was quite funny. Just this morning I woke up at 4am and thoughts flooded my mind. I knew that I was aware all the time. I did not drift back in a sleep. However when I checked the time again it was already past 6am. I thought maybe half an hour had passed.

By the way, fasting goes together well with game playing. Time just flies away. Though, went shopping and barely could talk. All the inner dialog left me without the outside voice. Awkward.

This chill mode is possible to switch on. To cultivate. The master level is probably to live in it every single second. Meet any challenges with a chill mode. That is a nice feeling.