I’ve been reading Adam Grant’s Give and Take. Thus giving is in my mind.
I’m only half-way through. Even so it is changing my perception about it. In the book he divides people in Takers, Matchers, and Givers.
Takers are those who take more then give. Matchers are those who live on the principle “You scratch my back, I’ll scratch yours.” Givers are those who give more then take.
While all can be successful, Givers appear to be more successful than others.
In a way it appears that givers are already born as givers. They are natural at it. Most likely it is possible to learn it.
I find it hard to place myself in one of these roles. The more I think about it the more I see myself as a Taker. As a kid all I did was to try to escape others. As a young adult I mostly thought only about myself. Only now I am trying to understand the role of a Giver.
In a sense giving, by itself, is easy. Where I struggle the most is with, What to give? This uncertainty stems from the low self-esteem. By not trusting in my own skills and knowledge. Most of the time it repeats itself in a loop. What can I give? I have nothing to give. My skills are mediocre at best. Knowledge can be found on the internet.
Another thought that is dragging along is that giving equals money. That sounds like a Matcher.
I understand charities, volunteering, selfless giving. It all comes back with, I have nothing to give. It is a belief. An easy one to change. We all have something to give. We need to be willing to do it.
For some reason it is a concept which mind is struggling grasp. Giving a lot when you have nothing. It seems that I didn’t learn it as a child.
My grandma was a Taker (maybe a Matcher). Mum, she seems to be a Giver. There are two ends for Givers. Successful Givers and Givers who are pushovers. Sorry to say, my mum is the latter.
You can guess what I saw and absorbed as a kid.
As I look back (because that is how I learn about myself) me being a Taker might have also been, me being confused Giver. The hardest part for the past seven years (that’s a long time) has been what to give. The want to give was kinda in there.
It was mixed with a need for a money. Not sure if it is funny or sad, but if you read from the beginning, you will notice that at least 80% of my “problems” are tied to money. What a strange life.
To give when you have nothing is not easy to grasp. To give when you are trying survive is an alien thought.
It is a strange paradox. The more you give, richer you get. If we think about it. Those who are trying to survive are focused on themselves. There is no time to think about others.
One of the ways to understand it better is to look at what you are already giving. And for what reason. There is something you are doing selflessly with joy. I’m writing twitter stories, just because. With blog posts I’m learning to be helpful. GrooveyD is an extension of trying to be helpful.
Do you have skills you could offer others, just because? I bet you have.
Giving shouldn’t be hard, yet it is. It is a mindset we can learn.