How to deal with frustration

Blow something up. Your desired outcome you can’t achieve, for example. It’s annoying. Isn’t it? You are so happy to start something. So hyped up. Then the wall drops in front of you. “No, no. Not today, son,” wall says, “you are too happy. Let me ruin it for you.”

What do you do then? One option is to keep moving forward. Screw that wall. Push it with all your might. Does it help? Sometimes.

You should ask yourself, why is this opposition in front of you? Is it lack of skill? A lack of knowledge? A lack of understanding? What is creating this resistance?

Answer might come instantly. Or not at all. If answer comes, congratulations. You are very lucky. Wall will be unhappy, but you do not care. You have your solution. Go have fun.

Who is the unlucky one? Those who can’t find answers. Question. Are you searching answers on your own? I bet you are. That’s why you are frustrated. Can you imagine? The world wide web doesn’t have the answer you seek. Or even worse. There are answers, but they do not work. Not a single answer can get you closer to the resolution you seek. What do you do then?

Keep searching? Give up? One thing is sure. Frustration can build up. As it builds up your anger meter keeps rising. And when it blows … oh boy. Even if you control your anger like a boss, don’t allow frustration to rise. It will cloud your mind. Solution is to clear your mind.

Step away from whatever you are doing. Create a distance. Go for a walk. Eat something. Do something physical. Push ups or sit ups. Go for a run. Or get in your car and drive somewhere. Shift your attention to something else. Don’t even think about challenge you are trying to solve. You must chill. Cool down. Clear your mind.

Will that lead to solution you seek? Maybe. Maybe not. Ask yourself, why can’t you find the solution? Is there some other way to find the answers? Whom you can ask help? Who is more knowledgeable than you?

Sometimes answer isn’t that far. Most of the times answer is in the heads of other people. That means asking for help.

Help

If you are like me, you probably hate asking for help. To be honest, even asking for help can create a frustration. Why is that? I don’t know about you. My experience with asking for help hasn’t been that good. Many times when I’ve asked for help no one helped. Or just redirected me in general direction. It doesn’t matter that I just came from that general direction. That is really annoying.

It is much easier to search for the solution myself. This is why I don’t understand why people like to be spoon fed. I made a deal with myself to ask for help only when I’m completely stuck. That doesn’t happen often. It happened today. So to deal with frustration I am writing about a frustration. It’s a bonus. A post for the blog. I also did push ups. Ate some snacks. Distanced myself from a challenge. It’s still not resolved, but I asked for help.

Writing this, one idea came into my mind. A training to ask for help. I guess it’s a skill too. A skill I have not mastered. I’m not even interested in mastering it. But becoming more efficient could prove useful. By being ok to ask for help possibly might get rid of the distaste I have when I’m asking for it.

How could we train an asking for help skill? It’s such a weird mindset. My first thought is that I am incompetent. A loser who can’t find solution by himself. This, my friend, is a limiting thought. We need to re-frame it.

I am incompetent. How about. It is ok not to know everything.

A loser who can’t find solution by himself. Let’s change it to … A smart dude who knows that he doesn’t have all answers.

Asking for help is not a weakness. It is a strategical retreat. Also asking for help is different than delegation (I think). Don’t take my word on this.

So how can we train it? Just like everything else. Start with something small. Even if you can do it yourself. Bite your tongue and ask for help. The only example I currently have is asking for help to open a pickle jar. Maybe ask for some advice. Asking for random help on these online help chats is not a bad idea. It’s also fast.

Depending on whom you ask, answer can be positive or negative. Positive people are cool. Negative people … just let them be. You don’t need them in your life.

This somehow ended up as 2 in 1 post. Frustration and asking for help. They go hand in hand so it is just fine.

Let’s end with this.

No matter how smart you are, you can’t know everything. That alone can lead to frustration. When you see that you are going nowhere, accept it. After you have accepted it take a deep breath. Inhale and exhale. Stop whatever you are doing. Step back. Distance yourself from the challenge you can’t solve. Stretch a little bit. Do push ups. Go for a ride or a walk. Let your mind rest.

If you come back and solution is still not in sight. Ask for help. Solution you seek might be in someone else’s mind.

A penny for your thoughts