Order within chaos

Do you know how I write posts? Every day I ask myself what to write today. Then at some point one (sometimes more) idea comes into mind, and sits there until I get it out.

Most of the time I don’t know what will come out. Is it me who is writing or someone is dictating stuff for me to write?

I’ve been sitting on this post for a half a day. Hoping to find something “better”. Nop. It doesn’t budge.

Consciously thinking, I have no clue what to write. As it happens, when I sit down to write, words begin to flow.

I might be one those people who strives in the external chaos. Mentally. Maybe later I’ll add financially too.

Internal chaos on the other hand is troublesome. That’s where I need order. How do you create order within the internal chaos? Such a good question. Another good question, is why do I need order in this chaos?

What creates this chaos in the first place?

  • – Me wanting many things in this instant.
  • – Me wanting to learn more things I can manage.
  • – Me trying to juggle many things at once.
  • – Me putting pressure on myself where I most likely don’t need to.
  • – Me trying to figure out things that are probably easy to figure out.

That is a lot of “Me’s”. It is an internal war. What did you expect?

One way to start bringing order is to figure out where exactly this order is needed. I’m going the Ninja Way.

  • – Mind
  • – Body
  • – Spirit

I’m still on the fence about Mind and Spirit. Part of me wants to blend them together. We’ll see we gonna do. Why Ninja Way? Because it’s fun. The way of Ninja and Ninjutsu is surprisingly spiritual. I went through the notes I took while reading a Ninja book. That was quite a while back. “Squeezed” pretty much everything but the very essence of the spiritual side of the ninjutsu.

  • – Willpower
  • – Patience
  • – Emotional control
  • – Faith
  • – Wisdom
  • – Discipline
  • – Flexibility
  • – Sincerity
  • – Adaptability
  • – Humility
  • – Awareness
  • – Peace
  • – Open
  • – Sensitive to all things
  • – Free of any external pressure
  • – Soul searching and an inner journey of the soul
  • – Heart similar to that of a child – flexible and generous
  • – Broad-mindedness
  • – The state of mind
  • – Personal motivations and beliefs
  • – Body tool of expression for this will
  • – Control the spirit through the training of the body
  • – Physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual balance
  • – Physical and mental unity
  • – Unity between the body and the spirit
  • – Internal peace which brings the unity of the body and of the spirit
  • – Harmonious union
  • – State of consciousness where the body and the spirit are one

These are words and phrases that were repeated through the book multiple times. If you pay attention it is very similar to mindfulness and many other disciplines. In this sense ninjutsu isn’t that mysterious.

Obviously I’m way out of balance. Where should I start? My thoughts are going in the direction of practicing Awareness first. Being more aware of my thoughts, energy within me, body as a whole. Willpower. Faith.

Next would be sharpening my mind. It’s pretty much a memory training and stuff like that.

And, of course, training my body. Flexibility and actually being aware of my motions and sensations. Whenever I trained I did it automatically. Did the required sets and reps, and moved to the next exercise. Now I’m curious to go through motions while being aware how muscles are stretching, contracting, becoming fatigued. Is this how Tai Chi works?

If/when I’ll go through this. Let’s say at age of 40, I’ll be in my best mental and physical health. Better than I was at age of 20 (Not a good comparison, since my mental and physical health was shitty). Isn’t that tempting?

Order here I come.