Some thoughts

It‘s annoying.

It’s also funny.

I’m talking about my mind. To be more specific, my subconscious mind.

I thought that I already had dealt with my inner pain, my self-esteem issues (which are actually on the positive scale by now), and other problems I had worked on for so long. But I suppose I’m not done yet.

This isn’t so obvious with longer form stories or posts like this. Even with my own daily thoughts. But with short form stories and especially poems it kicks in automatically. It’s like my inner darkness is tumbling out like a mist. In that short moment all pain and suffering is coming out. Only when all of it is put in words there is peace.

It’s funny because that’s not how I feel daily. Not anymore that is. But if I focus on a poem or a ministory, that door opens by itself. I feel it strongly when I write twitter stories. It’s short, super short and I’ve been doing it for a week now. It’s fun, gets my creative juices flowing.

I mean, I try to focus on “happy things”, but darkness and pain completely overrides it. And it happens every single time. And the result is not so happy story. I wrote a poem yesterday (first one in a really long time), not so happy either. It’s interesting how fast it kicks in when I look at daily prompts. Like – snap – and the door is open. Thanos kinda failed with this one.

My subconscious mind is still keeping secrets from me. This is that annoying part. I thought I cleaned it all, but obviously it was only an illusion. That’s what you get for keeping everything inside for years and years.

I’m not exactly sure if this thought train should be a post, but if I wrote it, I’ll share it. Also it feels right at this moment.

A penny for your thoughts