The missing ingredient

Emotions. I know it might sound silly. Or common knowledge for others. The missing ingredient for anything creative is emotions. This is why I’m so bad at it.

Yet I call myself a creative person.

Design is just another language. So is drawing. I’m good at languages. But the issue I have is not with languages themselves or my knowledge about them. It’s not knowing what or how to say what I feel.

Do you know what void and silence says? Nothing. It simply exists undisturbed. You can’t translate it. At least I can’t.

You can spend years learning and understanding every principle of design, drawing or writing, but if you have nothing to say. It’s worthless.

I guess these riots in states moved some rusty gears in my head. Nothing emotional. Better understanding of what I’m missing for better life. I mean, I know that as a kid I numbed my emotions for survival. But to forget about them. Ok, forgetting is a little bit too harsh. Not seeing them. Not sure if that makes sense. But without emotions there is not self-expression. There is no art.

Emotions and feelings are as abstract as it can get. It’s so individual. Art is a translation of what you feel. And when you feel nothing, there is no art. Now I’m actually thinking, if one doesn’t control emotions, can she create art? On the other hand, I’m highly self-aware of my emotions, and I also struggle with art and self-expression. I suppose there is a happy middle ground.

When I draw I usually forget about goal setting. To be fair I’m not a goal setter at all. That leads to nonsense. I have tried to set goals. It never worked. Free form drawing takes inspiration from inner feelings. I don’t know how deep is my emotion well, but it never has reached the end. And that leads to mega nonsense. My emotions are locked so deep that there is nothing to translate. Nothing to translate equals no art. And I can’t create automatically. I can learn and practice that way, but not create.

That brings us back to riots. Maybe I didn’t notice it previously. Or something has opened in the past months. But, I can feel or absorb, or emotions just flow through me. And I’m not even in the states. What is interesting. I can distinguish that these are not my emotions. Mine are way too numb or, too silly (other extreme). From these rioters I feel strong anger. That’s a crazy mix actually. And I can translate them in images. That’s what I’m getting at. I think, I can translate other people feelings and emotions in visual medium. I wouldn’t be surprised if I could do it with music too. The catch is. I most likely feel rioter energy because it’s amped up to maximum and beyond. To feel individual person’s energy would require some practice. I never thought I’ll say this, but I wouldn’t mind learning it. Of course I’m still selfish and I want get through to my emotions too. To make art from myself.

Should I be mad about myself? I don’t know. It’s again one those things that are in front your eyes, but you don’t see them. So easy. You use art to translate your own emotions. You just need to hear them.

A penny for your thoughts